“When you have a visible disability, your disability introduces you before you ever get to introduce yourself. And that’s a shame, because I’m so much more than that.”
Jessica Mae Dixon, Flint, MI
Would you mind sharing about your disability?
Jessica: I always say I double, triple dip in the disability pool. I was born with cerebral palsy, and I also identify with a mood disorder. I have depression, anxiety, asthma, and high blood pressure, which I manage with medication. I think that’s it—not that I’m trying to acquire more! But I always remind people: at some point in your life, you’ll be part of the disability community, whether temporarily or permanently. Aging, in itself, is a disability.
Laura: Cerebral palsy (CP)— that’s something you’re born with?
Jessica: Yeah, it’s considered a developmental disability. It affects my motor skills and balance, specifically on my right side, both upper and lower extremities. Some people with CP have cognitive impairments, while others never walk or talk. Then there are cases where you’d barely notice it.
I met someone once who told me she had CP, and I thought, bullshit. It took me a while to notice, but it was there—very subtle. That’s what I love about disability. It’s such a broad spectrum. And I have to remind people, just because I have CP doesn’t mean I know everyone with CP.
Laura: And you don’t represent everyone with CP either.
Jessica: Exactly. I even went on a date with a guy who had CP once—it was horrible. He wasn’t comfortable with his disability, and then he fell during our date and got so mad. I get it—I get frustrated too—but I was like, Dude, you’re with me.
Using mobility aids
Jessica: I’ve always used assistive devices. These are Sheila [gestures to crutches]—Outdoor Sheila has an ice pick, and Indoor Sheila is for home. At home, I just use one because I think I’m a badass. It’s a small space, and everything is where I like it.
I’ve only used them for six years, and I hated them at first. Some days, I still do. But I have so much more energy when I use them. If I want to go to the park after work, I actually can. They prevent falls, but I’ve still fallen with them—they’re not a guarantee. I call them my accessories. I’m basically an action figure that comes with extras.
Laura: I love that! I found the hashtag Babes with Mobility Aids, and it made me so happy.
Jessica: Yes! I’ve used that tag before. But honestly, I don’t have many pictures of my whole body with my mobility aids. It’s not that I don’t like looking at myself, but I don’t see myself that way. Does that make sense?
Laura: It does. I have an altered gait and have used mobility aids, too. You see everyone else moving and assume you move like them.
Jessica: Exactly! I remember once, I caught my reflection in sliding doors and freaked out. I thought, No wonder people stare at me!
And then people assume I’m in pain all the time. Sure, gaining weight or injuries can cause pain, but people think I’m suffering. No, dude—I’m just trying to get where I’m going, pay my bills, and grab a cheeseburger.
Laura: Have you always used mobility aids?
Jessica: Not always. I had a walker and a wheelchair when I was little, but by second grade, I was golden. I grew up on a farm, did everything my siblings did. Then, as I gained weight and got older, mobility got harder.
If you’d asked me three years ago, I would’ve said, I’m working on getting rid of them. Now, I think, If I don’t need them one day, great. If I do, oh well.
Growing up & aging with a disability
Jessica: It’s funny because I’m a licensed counselor. I work mostly with people who acquire disabilities. When they’re struggling with how their body has changed, I have way more grace now. I know what it’s like to have your disability evolve over time.
Laura: I was born with my disability too—Larsen’s Syndrome, a connective tissue disorder. I get what you mean. You grow up fine, but then as you age, things start to change, and suddenly it’s affecting you in a different way.
Jessica: It starts to create more barriers. And it might not even be like big barriers to people who don't know what it is to live inside your body, but to us, it's another obstacle.
It was definitely a rough road growing up and not having people similar to me, that looked like me, or thought like I did. I mean, I had a few friends in school, but they had significant disabilities, blindness, wheelchair user. And at that time, because I didn't use a lot of devices, I'm like, well, I don't really fit in that group either.
Laura: Do you know a lot of people with Cerebral Palsy (CP) now?
Jessica: I do, but here’s the thing: all the funding and research is for kids with CP. No one talks about aging with it. I just finished physical therapy for incontinence, and I learned so much. It’s not just my CP—it’s a combination of aging, being a woman, and CP. But no one talks about this stuff. Adults with disabilities kind of get lost in the fold.
Laura: Yeah, when you’re a kid, there’s a whole plan for you. Then you turn 18, and it’s like, Alright, good luck!
Jessica: Right? And they lie to you. College will be paid for, you’ll get all these resources! Nope. But that’s okay—I don’t want handouts. I want a hand up.
I remember when I was 10, I got an award from the town that I lived in for like, something I didn't even do. Just like existing. And at that time, I was so excited. I got ice cream, my picture taken with the mayor and like, it was so cool. And that was so fucking ableist. I did nothing. It's because I had a disability that people were like, let's give this little girl something.
Laura: And then as an adult, you realize—no one cares.
Jessica: And I don’t want them to. When someone at the grocery store tells me, "You’re doing such a great job," I just want to say, "Lady, move. I’m just here for tacos."
Laura: [Laughing] Constantly inspiring people, despite your best efforts.
Jessica: Someone told me yesterday, “You look like you're suffering.” And I was like, “You know what I'm suffering from? Inflation. [laughter] I could really use a raise.”
Outsider perceptions
Laura: Do you feel like more people tell you you're an inspiration now that you're using mobility aids?
Jessica: Honestly, I get more pity now than I did before. Before, I was just walking around like, I don't have time for this—I’m doing my thing. But now, with the mobility aids and just the way my body moves over time, I take a little longer. And people feel the need to step in, like, Let me help you. But I tell them, If I need help, I’ll ask.
There was someone at work who came up to me and said, “I’m just really worried for you.” I told them, “That’s a you thing. That’s not my problem.”
Because here’s the thing—when you have a visible disability, your disability introduces you before you ever get to introduce yourself. And that’s a shame, because I’m so much more than that. But I also recognize that people aren’t necessarily uncomfortable with disability itself—they’re uncomfortable with vulnerability. And I am literally walking around as the embodiment of vulnerability, which I think freaks them out.
Laura: Yeah, it’s like you’re out on display in a way.
Jessica: Exactly. But to me, I’m just living my life. I pay my bills. I do the things I enjoy. I wouldn’t know any different.
People sometimes ask, “If there were a pill to ‘fix’ it, would you take it?” When I was 15, I probably would’ve said yes. Now? Pass it to the next person.
Laura: I hear you. I’ve had those conversations too, and I’m like, “No, I’m good. I don’t need to change anything.”
Jessica: It’s not that we’re fine—I mean, everyone’s kind of losing their shit. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.
Laura: That’s so true. And I feel like disability gives you a little more... I don’t know, stamina? Or at least a darker sense of humor?
Jessica: Oh, for sure. You have to, or society will eat you alive.
Laura: Otherwise you’d just cry every day.
Jessica: Which—I do that too. [laughs]
What do you do for fun?
Jessica: I spend a lot of time with my dog—he’s a pug. I like to read. And honestly? I just like spending time with people. I like eating. If someone asked me, What do you do for fun? my first answer would probably be, I eat. [Laughs]
But really, I love meeting people, connecting with them, and understanding them. I don’t even have to know them that well. I just enjoy watching how people navigate life.
But yeah, I don’t do anything too wild.I do some crafts here and there. I write poetry, but I don’t share it with anyone—it’s just something private that I do.
I love foreign films. And I love thrifting. COVID gave me a really bad thrifting habit. But I try to play by the rules—if I bring something in, I have to take something out. I can’t just keep collecting. Except when it comes to books. I have about 200 books in my apartment, and books don’t have a rule.
What motivates or inspires you?
Jessica: My curiosity.
Laura: Oh, that’s a good one. That probably explains why you love being around people, too.
Jessica: Yep. My thirst for knowledge and my curiosity—those are what drive me.
Laura: That’s such a gift to be born with.
Jessica: And I’m a Gemini, so it’s all wrapped up in there. [Laughs]
What change would you like to see for disabled people in the future?
Jessica: That’s a really good question. I think I’d like people to recognize that we all have something. That there’s no real divide between "us" and "them."
People act like disability is this separate thing—like, Oh, you’re part of that community now. But why can’t we just recognize disability as part of the human condition? That’s what I’d like to see. More people realizing that the distance between me and them is way shorter than they think.
Laura: Yeah. Disability is a construct—that’s really all it is.
Jessica: Exactly. And it comes in many flavors. I’m just a really spicy flavor. [Laughs] And then you’ve got people who are just plain vanilla.
But seriously, people have this idea that disability has to be seen, or that it has to be tragic. Or that it has to be this big charity-driven thing. But in reality? Disability is the human experience.
Laura: So well said. Drop the mic right there. Because it is the human experience.